Diaries and Such of a Band Dork
by pressedinabook
Summary: Come along for the adventure with a band dork in all that is BAND. This is actually quite humerous, but I warn you not to read in public...cuz I'm just that funny...right...PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! PLEASE!
1. August 21

August 21

Have you ever woke up and said to yourself,"Today is going to be a good day, I can tell." But then, you fall in a crowded hallway of students in between 1st and 2nd block, embarrassing not only yourself, but those you call your friends? But NO, today is going to be a good day! NOTHING CAN GET MY DOWN! But then, you get hit in the back of the head by a trombone slide. NO NO NO, still..I AM GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DAY IF IT KILLS ME! But then, you fail a Geometry quiz, dropping your grade just one step lower. Well, this has been my first two weeks as a sophomore in high school.

Yes, I can admit that I have a touch of bad luck...or...maybe a lot..but I'm not counting...because I honestly can't count that high (because my "touch" of bad luck times has reached....mumbles incoherently). Wait...where was I...ah yes, band. Where I just got band from bad luck, I don't know, but I know it fits somewhere. Anyway, band, in my opinion, is quite idiotic. Why am I still in it after my freshman year? Well, because it was fun LAST YEAR...but no longer is it fun. You see, now..we have like 5 seniors and a whole bunch of sophomores. So, we're quite the young band now, and William's (the oh-so awesome, not really band director) takes advantage of the fact that we're young and stupid...and scared of his sweat bucket self. Last year, we got to go to Tampa and compete in the Outback Bowl competition..and guess what...we won! It was awesome..we got to play our show in front of a whole bunch of people for the pre-show at the outback bowl. So..what have you learned so far? Ah yes, that last year was fun are the oprative words for this story so far.

Now, as we get into our Sailor songs consisting of Pirates of the Caribean, some stupid song I don't like and I have to be in an ensemble for it, and Russian Sailor's Dance, which is actually a cool song....if you're in a Russian Derbish. I play the flugelhorn, and if you don't know what that is...go to Germany, I'm sure they'll tell you. I'm in the horn section, or the french horns..or the mello's...whatever the crap you want to call it..Last year, here we go with last year again, I played the trumpet...it was great...my section was quite large, and getting into trouble was a lot more fun. Now..I'm in a section consisting of 6 people and a cracked up section leader...with two girls who talk more than Kelly Rippa has babies and three other guys who one, doesn't know how to play a single note whose name is Jordan, two, and this is a fun one, I honestly think he's a weeder..(potsmoker..big mary j..ya know what i mean) whose name is Hunter, and three..the cracked up section leader named Hodges..(this is his last name..his first name doesn't fit him).

The two girls are Hannah and Becky...one's the happiest person you'll ever meet..one's a big dork, whom I find myself very good friends with.

Why didn't I play the flute? Or..perhaps the drums? Why the trumpet..then being switched the flugelhorn..? WHY Sweat Bucket..WHY. You'll find I call my band director, William's, Sweat Bucket because he sweats even when I had concert band..it's quite unnatural..I don't understand how one person sweats that much. Lynsey and Lindsay, who also play trumpet..and it's quite hard getting used to saying they're names, call him Mr. Tastey because supposedly I booty bumped him at the band dance last year...actually, Sweaty McGee is the one that attacked me...but they didn't see it MY way.

"Michelle, you know you love Mr. Tastey and ya'lls boody bumpin' days," said Lynsey.

Damn Sweats A-Lot...he ruined my perfect dancing way of life.

Lynsey also says I have crush on Homer Hickam...I also say she's a pathelogical liar. Maybe I'll tell you the story she wrote for me and Homey (as she calls him), but that's just a maybe. Anyway, so yesterday was great because we didn't have to march...it was raining and..uh..stuff. I was surprised Sweatsy-is-a-pansy didn't make us a march anyway..I mean..at band camp, he made us have sectionals outside while it was hailing..why not a little rain? It was fun though cuz Hodges started dancing during one of the stand songs...it may have been Blasters for the Masters..I don't really know. But I laughed and we both got into trouble.

I went to Rachels house last night. Rachel's pretty cool..she just moved here from Birmingham. She says how much better her band is than ours...it's probably true...why a band that wins an outback bowl competition would be any good is beyond me. We spent half the night talking about music and books..which is two of my most favorite things. She gives me these awesome books to read and good music to download. Later we just talked about band memories...it was eventful..cuz I never really laugh THAT much. Ah well, that is all I have to talk about right at the moment. Oh yeah, my other friend..I guess we're friends..Camille is a drummer, but she keeps going from drums to pit...maybe she'll work her way to the flute section by Monday.

_The Tale of Homey and Michelle_

_by Lynsey & Camille_

_It was a cold and windy day when I first met my beloved Michelle. Sigh Sweet memories. We were both in Etheopia to compete in the science fair of 1920. I was positive she was joking when she told me her project was using an East Bake Oven to power a nuclear plant. Alas, she was serious. She has the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, they reminded me of Richard Simmons in his video "Sweatin to the Oldies". She had a cute laugh as well. It reminded me of a diesal truck starting up. I wanted to run at her and yell,"Breaker Breaker 1-9-10/4 goody buddy!" Ironically, I did yell it and she was now looking at me. I quickly responded that it was my dog's name, and ensisted her to help me look for him. She said (in the cutest fluffly voice),_

_"I had a gerbal named Suzie once."_

_What a girl! If my heart had been a baked potato, I would have served it to her with sour cream and butter....and chives! We searched for hours for my dog. 3 1/2 hours into it, I told her I didn't REALLY have a dog, but she was determined to find my lost puppy and insisted that we continue the search. Finally, I got so sick of looking that I convinced my poor Michelle to go looking the woods. While she was looking, I snuck into a yard and took a random dog-Hey, I was desperate-besides, the dog LOOKED unhappy anyway. Shortly, we returned to the fair, only to see that we had missed it. She was angry and threw her shoe at me...But I know deep down inside she didn't really want to be mad....really...deep down that is...Somewhere..I guess. Because, you see, I love her way too much for her to be upset. This one time, she went to Huntsville-(talk about your romantic experience!)-there were all sorts of space creatures and stuff (I would have called her, but I have aphonaphobia)..Very serious. So we got together and had some ham sandwhiches and the rest is history! That, ladies and gents, it the story of my Michelle and I. In conclusion...I look good in red...and Michelle...just looks good._

So that is my warped friends story of my "so-called" crush on Homer Hickam. I've come up with two things...Lynsey is a lesbian trying to tell me something, or she seriously is a pathelogical liar.


	2. August 22

August 22- No Snogging in the bandroom!

Pfffttt...I am so bored right now. It's just not even funny anymore..stop laughing..SHUT UP..okay, so maybe I'm a tad schizophrenic.

There's something I've been noticing when I enter the bandroom every morning 5 minutes before the bell. You see, there's this couple, who's names I won't reveal..cuz I just don't feel like thinking about them..but seeing as how I am...well, every morning, I walk to my bandlocker to put my shoes in it...Well, I get rudely awakened by a couple SNOGGING in the locker room. It's quite disgusting really...cuz I don't really think the dude's attractive..and watching his mouth work like a fish...pffftt..must stop thinking about that.

Okay..how boring can one town be...no joke..I mean, it's so boring..there's no mall, barely any decent resteraunts..no bowling alley...movie theaters..well, there's one, but it's a drive-in, and I hate the drive-in. Maybe I should move to Ethiopia and sell large sweaters, I hear there in need of some. They're starving..so I'll give them some clothes? Have I mentioned that I'm in a sorority? It's ridiculous, but I am. It's called #$%#$$$#. Yep..that's what it's called! Anyways, so we're doing something this Friday, which just happens to be the first football game...and yeah, you guessed it..it's away. So, I'm gonna have to have a small chat with Sweatsensmirgen and tell him,

"Look, if I can't leave early, then I quit."

Yeah..that's what I'll tell him..I'm gonna stand up to him and be all up in his grrrill.

....Okay...so that probably won't happen, seeing as how I couldn't even stand up to him when he asked me to play the flugelhorn. I still say that man cornerned me and wrote the words SUCKER on my forehead.

I find myself wondering about the mysteries of life...

1) Why anyone would want to live here

2)Why William's sweats so much

3)Is there such thing as too many sweat glands?

4)How the phrase "Mary, MOTHER OF GOD!" came to be, seeing as how Mary isn't the mother of God last time I checked.

5)Why the man behind me singing in church this morning couldn't hear himself suck.

6)Why I chose to look like a dutch boy when I was in 3rd grade.

7)Why people are stupid.

8)Why people like snogging in public..in a public school that is.

9)Why I'm thinking about any of this at all

10)Why parents think we children listen to them at all.

Maybe Sweats-a-Bucket does have extra sweat glands....It's a thought. I know whoever actually took the time to read this stupid diary thing is wondering why I used the word Snogging...Well...I'll tell you. I just read the book Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. Well, that and Harry Potter made me want to say it even more, so now I am. If you've got a problem with it..then...I'll..uh..probably stop saying it, cuz I'm just that much of a sucker.

I feel like singing a random song...

WAR, HUH..GOOD GOD YA'LL

WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?!?!

ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN'

NOTHIN'

NOTHIN'

Okay, now that that's out of my system, I'll talk a little more about band. It's stupid, but seeing as how I'd better just talk about it since this is the band section...I already mentioned we're playing a bunch of sailor songs. The opener is pretty cool, but the sets in it are so damn hard. Let's just put it this way, there's not a moment where I'm not moving...and lemme tell ya, it's hard cuz my feet start to hurt, and my shoes are already looking all shoed up. We practice everyday during 4th block (and if you don't know what a block is, you don't have block schedule at your school...I'll explain it later) in the hot sun in the parking lot outside the school, which actually looks like a football field on pavement. We have sectionals on monday...ah poo, that's tomorrow...we have rehearsals on thursday from 6-8:30. So, there's the schedule of that.

It's weird now that we're not at band camp and marching at school. We had so many helpers there, but now we don't have as many, which is good in my case. Band camp was awful, if you were throwing your guts up..you had to march..I even fell and hurt my leg and I still had to march...now, even though I felt better afterwards..that's not the point.

There's a woman that helps out. She's a crackhead, no joke. This is her at 5:45 in the morning.

"GET UP HAPPY CAMPERS!!! YOU GET TO GO MARCH THIS MORNING! GET UPPPPPP HAPPPPY CAMPPPPERRRRSSS!!!!!"

Needless to say, if I had a gun...she wouldn't have been screaming that, that early in the morning. It really didn't matter though cuz I had to get up every morning at 5:30 to take a shower anyway. So, I had to go to bed sweaty and nasty...I thank God I don't have extra sweat glands.

Here's the gruesome schedule of the big BC

7am-Breakfast

8am-12pm-band practice

12pm-lunch

1-3pm-sectionals

and usually, sweatsy would take time out of our free time..so technically it'd be this

3:30-5pm-free time

5pm-dinner

6-9:30-band pratice

10:30pm-lights out or Mrs. Happy Camper will make you run with her at 4:30 am!!!

Usually, we'd have like one water break during those two band practices, which sucked. It was so hot there..and we only got one. The intructors were kinda pissed about that, but oh well..they couldn't say anything though they felt sorry for us. This chick named Jenny was our instructor (the horns). She was cool...she was mean when we didn't do right, but we were quite rebellious, lemme tell ya. Not holdin' our horn right was an ambonination... we got hell for it.

My God...boredom has reached a limit...I am now bored. I should probably-OH YEAH..I forgot to say what Sweatsenheidel did to me and Hodges! Well, we have this part at section D in the opener..and the trumpets have the melody..and they aren't playing it loud enough, so he GIVES IT TO US...given that this part is quite hard...I have to have it memorised by FRIDAY.

On a lighter note...there is no lighter note..life sucks, and so does band.

Ah yes, a lighter note...or a gayer one. Now, let's get things straight, I'm not a homophobe..one of my best friends is gay, but when you're married to a woman, and everyone pretty much knows your gay...that's just cruel. Mr. Prisspants, the new ass.band director is the prissiest straight man I've ever met. I think maybe Mr. Extrasweatglands must have had a thing for him or something, cuz he sucks. Our last ass. band director was a gigalo..we all thought so...and he left with the rival band director in this town to go to another school. Needless to say, it was a stabber to ole' Tasteysweat. But that's over with and done...or..whatever. We all miss Gigalo Joe (this isn't his real name) because at least he was funny...Mr. Prisspants is just stupid.

I love apples...

4th block schedule

1st semester-term

2 academic classes and 2 electives for the first semester

2 academic classes and 2 electives for the second semester

So basically, ya don't have as much homework as some like 7 periods in a day.

To conclude today's update ..I will sing you a song.

"Michelle and Homey sitting in a tree, Michelle's just crazy about rocketry!"


	3. Whatever today is

Whatever today is...

Ah crap...The band is having to march in the Trinity parade...That's great. Not only is it in the ghetto, it's like...6 MILES LONG! Ah well...Anyways. I went into the bandroom this morning...I saw Lovefest '04 in the locker room yet again. 'Cept, it was interesting, cuz like..they were kinda rough. I mean, he pushed her against a locker! Leslie and I just kind of sat there watching..then we ran as fast we could. They really do look unnatural.

Today was kind of irritating for me. First...This guy in my section (hornies) keeps flirting with me, it's kind of odd. Second, this guy keeps flirting with me and I really don't know what to do about it. There are three reasons as to why I would be so stupid.

1. I'm ugly

2. I'm socially deprived

3. I'm ugly...

Wait..I already told you that. So, I guess you might understand why I'm lacking in the flirt department. Besides, how you can you tell when someone is flirting with you when no one really ever does? ....He stepped on my foot a lot. He's a really nice guy, but I seriously think I'll just like...Not flirt with him. YES! That's the key. No flirting for Michelle. Crap..how do I not flirt when I don't know when I'm even flirting back?! Ya know, God could have made things a tad easier. Especially this part I have to play in Russian Sailor's Dance. I really love this song and all, but dang...it's damn hard. Notice how I say dang then..then I said damn...I'm so warped. Anyways, Sweats had figures of a dog on his shirt today. How? Well, he sweats a lot, how do you think there was a figure of a dog on his shirt?

I can't stop thinking about Weeder (or Hunter). If he keeps flirting with me, I swear to God I'll..uh..Hurt him in some major way. I could stick my flugelhorn somewhere...Ew, that'd be kind of gross though. Hm..Do I really want him to stop flirting with me though? Maybe I should shut up.

The last football game was so much fun! We had a good time, and I even danced! It was lovely... Dancing..in the moonlight..Or...maybe the football lights....Or...maybe...Who really knows, ya know? The drummers did their little thing where they compete against the other drums and we cheer, cuz we know we'll lose. Alas, we do it anyway. The bus ride there and back was fun too. I sat by Rachel, she's this chick that moved from Birmingham. Anyway, she's really funny..But she cuts down Athens like weeders smoke ..uh..Weed. No joke, she must really hate it. Wow..Sounds like myself. Sweatsencracker got mad at me for not standing still the other day. He even gritted his teeth! I was so proud...He's never gritted his teeth at me before. Lynsey gave me another note today. And it said...

Ooncha, ooncha

One two threecha

Leave me alone, or I'll tell teacha

Brush your teeth

Comb your hair

I saw Tompkins in his under

Where you goin'?

What're you doin'?

HOW YOU BE SO SHORT?!

Man...That is a fun rhyme. Good points to Strongbad. Anyways, so...Any ideas on the Hunter situation? I asked Rachel about it. She said..

"Well, go for it."

"Thanks for the inspiration. Let's not be so ethused about my love life," said I.

"I am enthused...Hey, did you do your geometry homework?"

"I'm hanging up the phone now, Rester."

Well...what good advice I have been given. I think I may need a therapist...Hmm...No, I know I need a therapist. Oh yeah, today in lunch, I said hi to the new assistant principle. Now, everyone got the impression that he's very mean, but I found him rather nice. But...Since I did accidently call him something...Well..

"Hi Mr. Horny...Oh crap, I mean..uh..Wait..No! You're name is..like.."

"Mr. Hornton?" asked Mr. Hornton.

"Right..Hi Mr. Hornton..."

Of course, I ran away as fast as I could before he could say anything else. Then I ran into Weeder...It sucks to be me.

Well, at least I have lunctime to look forward to during my days at high school. I sit with Rachel and Chris Baker. O' course, ya know Rachel is somewhat..odd. Chris is very very odd. I don't really know if he's gay or not, at least I don't think he is. But he's kinda prissy, but that's what I love about him. Well, we have the most interesting conversations.

"Omigosh, Holden's got a girlfriend!" said Chris. (Holden's a nasty ex-tuba player. Woo..he be gone! Woo)

"Are you sure it's not a blow up doll?" I asked, quite serious. They just laughed at me. The dogs...

Another time...

"Well, I was wearing my Pi Beta hoodie at band practice, but everyone was making fun of me cuz I looked like a..well..ya know," I said.

Chris breaks into fits of laughter, Rachel is confused.

"I don't get it," said Rachel.

"I looked like a condom ok?!" I said.

Well, it is quite fun in lunch. But nothing beats the awesomeness that is band...and Sweatsawholedamnlot. Hodges started doing some weird jig today again. He's so damn weird, but hey...At least he doesn't annoy the hell out of me like some other Weeders I I think he might have broken a toe...Well, anyway...no matter. I think I'm in some sort of depression or something. It's kind of strange. I don't really know if I'm depressed...It makes a lot of sense let me tell you. Ah well..No matter...STOP SAYING THAT...Okay, I'm done with myself.

Tomorrow, I'm not letting Hunter mess with me. Oh no, he will not flirt with Michelle the Awesomenessofnoflirting. It's not like I'm gay or something...and I have no problem with those who are by the way. It's just...boys never really flirt with me, why pick now...I mean tear I'm going through a hectic stage in my life right now! There's band...and geometry to pass! Come on Weeder! You know better! Okay..say it..I'm losing my mind. It's fine, at least I have a guy flirting with me.

Okay...Getting my mind off of HIM. I learned some new words in German today. Mutti is like..Mom or something, and Vatti is like..Dad...I supposed. I can speak a lot of German so far...I'm sure Hunt-Damnit, ..anyways...My mother is proud that I can speak German...I tried saying a few things to Hunter.....God, just kill me now...

A/N: Hey, so um..Sorry that it's random..but I was trying to let you in on how I am and my friends and such, and all the funny things that actually happen to me. The story really bases itself on a relationship between my character and someone else..and then there's band and the awesome sweaty director. Thanks for the reviews!


End file.
